The Memoir
Georg Trakl died of cocaine all my life
The stories I was told replaced my life
My father’s father died when I was eight
The stories I was told about my father
He never showed up when I was born or showed up late
George Byron died of fever all my life
My father lived in Oregon then Brazil
With two new children and a dark-skinned wife
His father died when I was eight
He lived too far away to visit
My mother’s parents told me not to wait
George Moses Horton died of _____ all my life
My father’s family stole and did drugs and was black
His brother with a hammer or a knife
Murdered my father’s father I was eight
My mother’s parents knew you have to kill
The child with what you want the child to hate
Her kidneys killed George Eliot all my life
My father’s father died when I was eight
Worldful
In down some part of me I hadn’t noticed
Before in down but not dark bright
Today I saw a nothingness outlined in white
Shaped like a kidney-shaped swimming pool floating
Above a landscape like a California
Postcard all pastel blues and tans and green
With unimaginable life or life that
Would have to be reduced to be imagined
And seeing it I knew it was the nothingness
An image of me feeling I was still
Dependent on my grandparents a feel-
ing like at any moment I could just
Call them and ask for help with food with rent my grand-
mother is dead and has been dead for fourteen
Years calculating the number just now
I thought it might have been two years I thought
It might have been even though I knew
It couldn’t be I thought worldful gone twice
Of sun and night since my grandmother left the
Sun and the night for the unmeasured world
It might have been two and I haven’t spo-
ken to my grandfather for twenty-eight
Years and I don’t know but I think he might
Be dead too or alive in Arizo-
na yesterday I saw him on the 1
Uptown from 34th St. he was sitting
Across from someone I had never
Seen before and she was saying something
Serious to him and he was trying to keep up
And he couldn’t his face was
A wrinkled gray suit hanging from his face
And he was wearing a gray suit he kept
Glancing at the briefcase at his feet then looking
Up at the woman like a dog afraid
It will be beaten he who always hit
Me harder than I could have hit him back
If I had thought I could have hit him back
And lived I wanted to rise from my seat
And throw my arms around him and to not
Remember why I want to never speak
To him again I wanted to and then
Remembered why I want to never touch
Him or be touched by him again instead I watched
Him and the woman her face softening
As he began and whisperingly failed
To and began again to answer a
Question I hadn’t heard but what life does
Not have to be reduced to be imagined
The Robot Bird Tells Me How It Is I Am in Hell
(being a continuation of ‘The Hell Poem’, which nonetheless ends, not to be continued, before this poem begins)
My name is Law I do the work
The boss says he created me in
The in the however long it was
Between when Cain crushed Abel’s fore-
head with a rock and the first drop of
Blood hit the ground I was the voice
Of the blood crying out to God
You know the thing in the Bible God says
The voice of thy brother’s blood crieth
Unto me from the ground that shit
Happened I was a baby all fucking
Bawling and shit yeah anyway
I say that makes Cain killing Abel
I say that makes Abel poor dickless
Abel the first human and
The father of all humankind
But the boss he says different
He says it’s him the boss for making
The murder possible and he’s
Not philosophical like me
He doesn’t have to be but he
Is sure as shit he’s fucking he’s
Smarter than me smarter than you
Anyway so listen a couple
Weeks ago we got a fax
You think there’d be a phone in Hell
Fuck no we fax so anyway
We got a fax about you shit-
For-brains it said you would be com-
ing down and the boss wanted you
To get a tour at first I thought
It meant the boss down here because you
Know he’s the boss I think things mean
But then I heard him shouting and
Breaking shit in the throne room and
I realized it meant the boss boss
And as this dawns on me he stomps
Out of the throne room sees the I
Don’t know the joy of knowing what’s
Going on for once flash in my eyes
Or some shit and he’s fucking pissed
Next thing I know I’m guiding your
Slow ass through Hell but the boss doesn’t
Want you to know you’re getting special
Treatment so if you see him keep your
Mouth shut oh shit how will you breathe
Don’t look at me like that I know you’re
Not breathing it still works so anyway
Back to Abel what I think is
If Abel’s not your father Cain
Is after all he had the big
Rock and how many times you think
He saw his dad kill anything by
Crushing its head not many right
Nah man an arrow in the heart
And by the way that’s what God gave you
By telling Adam he could name
The animals God told you where
Their hearts were Adam never missed a
Shot you might think this sounds like bullshit
But he was using a gift God
Had given him so killing was
Like prayer for him but Cain he looked
Abel in the eyes and saw himself
Not in his brother’s heart but in
His head and crushed his head and yeah
Where else do humans start Cain names
The animal in Abel’s head
Photograph © linthesky
